How to select a therapist or psychoanalyst?
All the research studies and anecdotal evidence suggest that the number one variable that makes for a good therapeutic process is the therapeutic alliance.
This idea of a therapeutic alliance can be reduced to a few factors - 1. if you feel like there is a fit or you feel comfortable talking to your therapist. 2. You feel like he or she or they are on your side and have your back or are aligned with your goals. 3. You feel like they understand you. These factors all outweigh the number of years of training and experience (although that matters too), the specialty, or treatment modality. These factors also outweigh the feeling that your therapist is the same as you (e.g., the therapist is the same gender or race or ethnicity or religion or sexual orientation as you). We don't need to have the same experience as you to create a strong therapeutic alliance necessarily and each alliance is based on a series of unconscious factors anyway. Sometimes the best therapist for you is simply someone who reminds you of your father or of your ex-boyfriend or your little sister. The dynamics that you need to work through will also help you choose the right person in some deeply unconscious way. So, how do you go about considering and selecting a therapist then?
Talk to a few therapists before choosing. This is an important relationship and you are going to be engaged with them (and their psyche) in an important and hopefully transformative relationship. Ask yourself in those initial calls or meetings if you trust this person and if you believe they have your best interests at heart and they understand you. Consider how comfortable you feel in their office, with their policies, and talking to them freely and if you imagine them being able to handle challenges that may arise in the work. If you meet with a few different people you may have a better sense of what is possible and the diversities of ways therapists are and as a result you may be better prepared to know who is a good fit for you. Taking a recommendation from a friend or doctor may get you to a great therapist or analyst but that person may not be the best fit for you.
In compiling the list of people to consider, it is worthwhile to consider training and specialties but only as a secondary factor to the feeling of fit. Some therapy is better than none but a good fit can be life changing. Take your time. You needn’t sign up with the first therapist in your google search. We also want there to be a good fit and are happy to help you find colleagues and compare your experiences.
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